Thy Will Be Done

Thy Will Be Done

When my father was diagnosed with cancer our conversations shifted from day to day to life to life.

His wit always had inspired me even as a child, stuff how he would make light of things but his cancer was different. I couldn’t make light of it. I was far away, and dreaming of how much I wasn’t doing while he was making sure he could find humor and lightness in our day-to-day talks. Even when I visited him, with a tube of oxygen in his nose he would laugh about having to have this tube everywhere he went.

One conversation he stated something he said sometimes but it had more weight… and something that hit my heart. “Thy will be done.” There was an unusual surrender to it, unlike other times we were talking about how I was rejected for a Broadway show or how my kid refused to potty train. It meant more.

To this day anything that may occur that is annoying or frustrating down to menial tire flats to heartache to losing my parents I hear those words and immediately cry.

Grief is truly a life journey. It does not end after the funeral and the cards or the posts on facebook. It continues on, day to day. I got to experience “thy will be” done in all exchanges and things that I could not control daily. I got to laugh at how I kept losing my keys and smile at the humor and fragility life offers me day to day. Things shifted to what I put energy into “fixing” for I began to realize fixing was not the solution, LOVE was.

Sounds easy, but in this world of lets find a reason….it is tricky to say the least.
Can there ever be a reason why my parents died? Not really. But it happened. Can there ever be a reason for war and tyranny and people wanting to hate? Not really. Can I show up to it differently? Yes. I have conversations with young people most of which I am honored to know as a teacher. These topics of humility come up occasionally. If someone is doing something harmful is it submissive to say “thy will be done”? Or is it cowardice?

Depends on the lens. I am not for submitting to hate. But I am not for hating hate. Both serve no purpose. So with thy will BEING done, what is our role as humans?

I am still growing as are you. I am an “adult” but a child still growing up from old wounds. If someone punches me or calls me stupid my immediate reaction would not be “thy will be done”. Honestly, because of my upbringing fighting to be heard was all I KNEW. I can say with compassion that this path serves a purpose, but ends up empty. Did I hear my own self? Can I walk away knowing that thy will be done for that other person and not TAKE it as my own? Is this cowardice or complete self-knowing? Where we choose with love discernment in the perceived threats or battles that may come our way?

There is a time and place for thy will being done and it crosses lines. But there is also a time and place for the WILL of our soul to know the difference. Sometimes surrendering to the hate of another, or the pain of another and just allowing it IS living freely.

It is time to know the difference as a nation. And most importantly, being willing to give up being right just be free. Thy will be done…. Indeed. It always will. What matters most is how we show up for it in integrity.

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