Behind the Pain

Ways to Play

We run from pain. We mute it and pretend that we are okay, viagra sale simply to survive. It is not until recently where I have had the experience of diving into it with awareness and acceptance. Too often we feel that we only can be one way. We limit our expressions out of fear that we may possibly be too much or that we may scare others away. However, thumb life offers us lemons. The old expression that lemons can make lemonade is not enough when we have to pay rent, mortgage, raise our kids, and exist in a world full of doing, doing, doing. As children we learn there are expressions that are okay and expressions that are not. So we navigate this. We placate to being a good girl or boy and learn how to mute our feelings so we fit in, raise our hands, be better, and quite frankly exist.

What if? What if our individual truth was that there are times that suck? What if we didn’t choose to negate that, resist that and act as if we are okay when the world we live in is crumbling around us? What if we chose to demonstrate healthier ways to those around us that are full of acceptance of the lemons? I ask not to provoke irrational behavior but to invite us as a society to examine our relationship to things that are not what we “want.”

It’s messy to not be all-together. Sometimes we have to act “as if” in order to be responsible, but can there be an outlet where we can fully express our pain?

Possibly a friend that we trust, a pen and paper, a yoga studio, a gym, a hiking field. Perhaps a way to dive into the reality as opposed to pretend it does not exist. I have found that when I choose to mute, I live in anxiety. Most of my clients have experienced this feeling of being “stuck.” I ask them, what is it that you are not choosing to feel? And most often then not, it is pain. Pain that life has not been what they want. Pain of betrayal, and loss of something that once was their ideal. In these moments I hear this. I hear myself relate to this, and begin to wonder is there a way to deal with these instead of mute them? Running through distraction only goes so far. We can’t always distract, move, hide, over spend, and over eat, over drink, over work for at one point it hits us. Wherever we go, whatever we do, there we are. Yes, just you, yourself and you.

In these moments the first thing that comes to my mind is lightness. Holding ourselves with the love and compassion we may hold our children, friends, family or pets. With compassion. Seeing the picture not as a bad thing, but simply for what it is. For, it is. Pain is there to teach us. Whether we want it or not, it is a part of the path of living. We choose sometimes to focus in these moments on “what should be” or “what I should have done” or better yet “ what is wrong with me that led me here, what did I do wrong.”

Truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. You made choices. And these moments are not punishing unless we choose to see it as that. They are merely an opportunity to grow. Make different choices. Forgive. Move on. Let go of the story. Demonstrate. Take pauses. Appreciate love. Appreciate what we do have…for we all have more then we care to focus on. In these moments these are simple beginning steps to allow pain to be your friend.

  1. Space- take space. Don’t respond. Count to 10. Go to nature. Take a time out.
  2. Feel- feel it all. Find a healthy way to feel it. Write it out. Don’t send. Burn it. Walk for 5 minutes. Get it out of the body
  3. Gratitude- studies show that gratitude raises our level of health. Write one thing you are grateful for. Anything. That you are alive is good enough. No judgment on this. No one is judging these answers. It’s yours.
  4. Call a friend. Not an acquaintance. Someone you trust. Say it. Tell them. Tell them you need space to share. You are not seeking advice or for them to fix it. Tell them that. Express and then say thank you to them
  5. Get outside the box. Get outside the box of the story. The story that you deserve pain. That life is hard then you die. That life is waiting for Friday. See the pain and the story involved – see the bigger picture of the scene in this play. What is there for you to see?
  6. Change your mind/heart. How do you want to live? What can you take action simple action. Is it hug your kid? Is it call your friend? Is it leave work t 5:30 instead of7? Do it.
  7. Love yourself. See how you choose to forget that. And love that part of you. Don’t resist her/him. Carry this like you would carry your kid.
  8. Play more. Do something a day that you would never do, laugh at yourself. Show your kids this
  9. Lighten up – life is not permanent. Things change –they change because you have. Lighten up on your life. Do your dishes later. Play more.